What I Have Learned In Two Weeks of Satellite Television

• Cartoon Network will keep your children well exercised in repeating the words "I want that!" in rapid-fire succession.
• Someone cares enough about Hawaiian music to devote an entire audio channel to it.
• DVR is perhaps one of man's greatest creations.
• Saying "We don't watch much TV" to try to talk yourself out of paying for satellite TV is not an effective argument because as soon as you sign up for satellite TV you will do little more than watch TV.
• Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs are awesome. Awesome! I might have a little bit of a crush on Mike Rowe.
  
• After the eighties, children's programming went down the toilet.
• Even though you may get over 100 channels, at times there is still nothing on.
• Billy Mays is incapable of speaking in anything other than a yell. I watch him and wonder "Why are you yelling? I'm right here. I can hear you."
• MTV no longer plays music videos.
• However, MTV shows Jackass and Wild Boyz, so I may forgive them for the lack of music videos.
• Spongebob remains ever charming and endearing, despite the highbrow critics.