Saturday, January 24, 2009

Staying Afloat

I recently read "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. It's a story about a young boy who gets shipwrecked and is the lone human survivor on a life boat. In the story, he finds a survival manual written by the British Royal Navy. Some of the survival tips made me laugh, some turned my stomach, and some were just good common sense. I thought I'd share some of them that I think can (and should!) be applied in our everyday lives.

  • Always read instructions carefully.
  • Do not drink urine. Or sea water. Or bird blood.
  • Ignorance is the worst doctor, while rest and sleep are the best nurses.
  • Put up your feet at least five minutes every hour.
  • Unnecessary exertion should be avoided but an idle mind tends to sink.
  • Do no urinate in your clothes. The momentary warmth is not worth the nappy rash.
  • Turtle blood is a good, nutritious, salt-free drink.
  • Don't let your morale flag. Be daunted, but not defeated.

The one about bird blood is a daily reminder for me. "Oh, look. A sparrow. Boy... am I thirsty." *slaps self in the face* "Keep it together! No drinking blood! Unless it comes from a turtle."

Also, the bit about the nappy rash? Priceless! I almost gave myself a nappy rash giggling at that one.

Monday, January 19, 2009

More Adam

At the risk of appearing to be obsessed with my toddler, here is yet again another post about him. This video is only about a minute long and I'm posting it solely for my own benefit. This kid cracks me up.

The very best part of this video is that Adam has watched it several times and every time he sees himself jump it makes him laugh. He laughs harder every time he watches it. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"Look at that guy go! What terrific acting! What dashing good looks! I'll be in my trailer."

I'm pretty sure his head gets the brunt of the second jump. The kid has a ridiculous tolerance for pain.

Friday, January 16, 2009



The child has a death wish. Really. There is no other way to explain it.

...what? You have an explanation for the 150 pound filing cabinet crashing down, missing him by mere millimeters? And the shattered drinking glass from whose jagged rim he was drinking? And the pieces of ingested glass that, miraculously, did no harm on the way out?

Oh yeah. Toddlerhood. He's not even two yet. I shudder to think of what he'll accomplish when he can process thoughts and act on those thoughts more efficiently.

On the other hand, he really is exceptionally cute and endearing. He is trying to say more new words lately. He has learned how to ask to watch "Cars", his favorite movie ever and even does the accompanying sign we made up. So cute. If I had any inkling that I could get him to do it on command I would try to post a video of it.

Just so no one thinks that it is "All Adam, All the Time" at our house, let me tell you about Mike. I recently discovered this:

"What is this?"

"It's my lint collection, Mom."

"Lint? Why?"

"It's cool. Don't throw it away, okay?"

Apparently, he keeps all of the lint out of his pockets and any pieces he finds laying around. He thought he'd hit the mother-lode when he helped me do laundry and saw the dryer's lint trap and was upset when I wouldn't let him keep that bit of lint. But you have to admire his tenacity. It's a pretty good sized lump if you consider the size of pieces that he's been collecting.

When I told Morgan about this, his reaction was, "You let him keep it?!?! There is no hope for that boy."

It's true. He is on the fast track to nerd-dom. Further proof of this is his fascination with Sci-Fi. He loves Star Wars. Loves it. He has a book that details all of the ships flown in the series, who is the ship's pilot, details on the ship's capabilities, etc. He knows everything there is to know about Star Wars. Recently he discovered Star Trek and was instantly hooked. He likes to watch Antiques Road Show. We were doing dishes the other day and he actually said, "There is some kind of fluid in this cup." What kind of eight-year-old talks like that?

Oh, I love my kids.

I hope that this doesn't seem mean or spiteful, but I saw this yesterday and was instantly reminded of Mike:

Mike, if you're reading this, I love you. I love your geekiness. And I love that your personality will probably save you from a plethora of teenage troubles.

Update: While posting this blog, Jack let out a blood-curdling shriek. I turned around to find Adam lovingly feeding his little brother his bottle. In his eye.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Jack's Swing

Yes. Jack's swing. Is that Jack in the swing? Nope. But seriously, how do you discipline a face that cute?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Livin' Life in the 'Hood, the Motherhood

Today has been a normal house wife sort of day. I've picked up dirty laundry, changed diapers, made bottles, snuggled babies and many of the other things that fall into my job description. As I've worked today, I've realized that motherhood has blessed me with wisdom that I wouldn't otherwise have been granted. I have learned:

  • You should never lie to the woman who washes your laundry. A basket full of dirty clothes reveals a host of secrets.
  • Crayons, green plastic army men, carrots and olives do not digest.
  • You should never underestimate a child, especially a toddler. They are much wilier than you may give them credit for.
  • Not many things on earth are cuter than a naked toddler bum.
  • A regular old Dum Dum sucker can cover over 40 square feet of non-washable surfaces with a sticky film.
  • Well-meaning strangers do not understand the havoc a Dum Dum can wreak. Do not try to educate them, just politely decline and let them think you are a troll of a mother.
  • The writers of PBS children's shows have no concern for the sanity of parents.
  • Hell hath no fury like the mother of a child scorned.
  • Words and actions which you had considered private will be returned to you, usually in a public and embarrassing manner.
  • It really is possible to love someone so much that you care more for their well-being than your own.
  • The shriek of a hungry toddler can clear the dining room of a restaurant fast.
  • A solitary crayon, when put through the clothes dryer, is a formidable weapon.
  • The amount of damage inflicted upon a personal item by a child is proportionate to the newness and personal value to the owner of said item.
  • Index fingers are custom made to fit the nostrils of their owners. In addition, some index fingers fit very nicely in the nostrils of Cocker Spaniels.
  • "Disgusting" is a relative term.
  • Infants are surprisingly resilient. Grandparents do not understand this fact.
  • Oreos are laxatives.
  • Children can sense when the head of the most tired parent hits the pillow and they choose this time to cry.
  • If you leave stray grapes under the couch for a few months they will turn into raisins.
I guess some knowledge has to be learned first-hand.