Sunday, March 21, 2010

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

We decided to try the chicken thing again this year. We have high hopes that our mortality rate will drop considerably since we have spent the last year discovering the flaws in our chicken coop and refining the chicken-raising process.

We bought eleven Araucanas, which are also know as Easter Egg chickens because they lay colored eggs. No lie! The guy we bought the chickens from threw in a Rhode Island Red since it was in the cage with the others.

If my dog kills these ones....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A Nose Is a Nose

Jack stuffs things up his nose. I don't know why. He has an affinity for fluffies. Things like pillow stuffing, quilt batting, pocket lint, yarn quilt ties, etc. He likes to rub them on his nose or ear while he sucks his thumb. I think that the nose-stuffing may have stemmed from that. He only puts things in his right nostril, though. Weird.

I have pulled an assortment of things out of his nose, including (but not limited to):
  • feathers
  • yarn
  • pencil erasers
  • a piece of a rubber shoe
  • foam rubber coach cushioning
  • hair
  • a dried pinto bean
  • a second pinto bean that was behind the first bean
  • a raisin that had the chance to sit overnight and was nearly a grape by the time I pulled it out the next day
  • bits of apple
  • rocks
  • dirt clods
  • dried grass pulp from the underside of the lawn mower
  • pocket lint
The crowning achievement, however, was today when I pulled out some fiberglass insulation. Not once, not twice, but three separate times. I don't know if he put it in there three different times or if he stuck one giant piece in there and I only thought that I was getting it all the first time. His little nose is so red and irritated now.

Of note is the fact that his older sister did the same thing when she was his age. She stuck with soft fluffy things like quilt batting or pillow stuffing. I remember the first time we gave her cotton candy. I handed her a piece and then turned back to the bag to give some to Michael. It struck me too late that cotton candy bears a strong resemblance to quilt batting. It was already a melted, sticky mess oozing out of her nose by the time I turned back to take it from her.

My kids are weird.

Occasionally Jack will put something in his ear, again only the right side, but he usually limits his partiality to putting things in his nose. Once he stuck some mandarin oranges in his ear and I was able to get a nice picture of that.

Yup. Strange, weird, bizarre kids.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I Deserve a Frickin' Medal

Today I will brave the aisles of Walmart. I will take two toddler boys with me. I will do this without the aid of pharmaceuticals (other than the usuals, my cheese hasn't slid completely off of my cracker). I will fit two carts full of groceries into one cart, along with said boys. I will not commit homicide, or toddlercide, or fellowshoppercide. All will be well.

Your prayers are appreciated.

Update: I went. We all survived. Gwen is right - nothing is where it should be. I think the only reason that we all survived is Morgan came with us. Gotta love a hubby who's that devoted!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sometimes, Ignorance Is Bliss

Sometimes, in my daily wanderings as a mom, I'll find an unknown substance on a random surface. I always think "I wonder what this is?" and I almost always follow that thought with "I wonder if I want to know?"

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Stupid Goat

The other day I was sitting on the floor changing Jack's diaper when my mom burst through the door screaming at me. She was almost in tears as she yelled at me to come help her with my goat. I had no idea what she was talking about and my hands were kinda full at the time. When she was finally able to calm down enough to tell me what had happened, I was hard-pressed to give the situation the seriousness that she felt it deserved.

She had stopped by the court house and renewed her vehicle's registration on the way out to my house. When she got here, she was bent down by her license plate, peeling the sticker off of the registration. Humperdink ran up to her, snatched the paper and stickers out of her hand and ran off before she had a chance to react.

I have seen my goat do stuff like this before. He ate some wrapping paper off of a gift that my visiting teachers had brought for me as they stood outside the door. He likes to stick his head in the car as I'm buckling my kids in to see what tasty morsels he can find to nibble on. Anytime he finds something, it's gone before I have a chance to do anything about it.

I was trying to explain to my mom that her registration was most likely already in the beginning stages of digestion but she was almost crying so I went outside with her. There was Humperdink, licking his chops and looking very pleased with himself. My mom promptly burst into tears at the same time that the hysterical laughter that I had been holding back erupted. I glanced over at Flopsy to see that one of the stickers was stuck to his side. Apparently he thought that being licensed and registered for 2010 was important. Laughing even harder, I removed the sticker from his side and handed it to my mom. She headed to her car to affix the sticker to her license plate and spat over her shoulder "Get your kids back in the house." Everyone had run outside to see what the fuss was all about and neither Jack nor Adam was wearing pants.

I gathered up my brood and herded them back in the house. Mike and Noel wanted to know why Grandma was crying and why I was laughing. I think that they were very disappointed in me.

I was able to get myself a little more under control before my mom came back inside. I apologized for laughing and she cracked a small smile, which I took as permission to howl with laughter.

It was fully awesome.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Vocabulary Fun

I made scrambled eggs and blueberry muffins for dinner tonight. (Why yes, I am the best mother alive, thanks for noticing.) Adam hates eggs. Hates 'em. Always has. I went through all my bag of tricks tonight, begging, pleading, etc. and I decided to put ketchup on them to see if that would entice him to eat them. I recently discovered that he loves ketchup. The conversation proceeded as follows:

Noel: What are you doing?

Me: Putting ketchup on Adam's eggs.

Noel: Why?

Me: Because maybe he'll eat them if they have ketchup on them.

Mike: Why doesn't he like eggs?

Me: Beats me.

Noel: Maybe it's because he's a veterinarian.

Mike: He was in the war?



Random factoid of the day:

If your toddler shoves a raisin up his nose at 9:00 pm, when you take it out at 1:00 pm the next day it will no longer be a raisin but a slightly shriveled grape.

Also, The nostrils of toddlers can stretch to accommodate a host of items. If I ever get into drug smuggling I know where I'm hiding the merchandise.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth (With 'Can' Being the Operative Word)

Last Sunday in Relief Society, I sat next to a friend as we sang the closing song "Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth". As the mothers of small children, the irony of the title didn't escape our notice, nor did the line about children honoring and obeying.

My friend blogged about this earlier today. To read her funny yet touching and thought-provoking post go here. To read my thoroughly cynical rendition of the song, stay where you are.

Home Can Be A Heaven on Earth
LDS Hymn Number 298
Music by W. Herbert Klopfer
New Lyrics by Julie Bennett

Home can be a heav'n on earth
When all the kids are sleeping,

Legos, Barbies, diapers, books
and "Who forgot to flush?"

Will the chaos ever end?
Benadryl's my closest friend,

Making bearable the madness
I embrace each day.

I love my kids. I love my life. But I also love bedtime.