Emergency!

Yesterday I had the good fortune to use a public restroom. As I was drying my hands, I noticed a sticker on the side of the paper towel roller that read something like this: "In case of emergency, turn knob forward."

The wheels in my mind began to spin as I pondered the amazingness of my discovery. Just imagine....

*fades away to dream sequence*

I'm at the bank cashing a check and a robber rushes in with a gun and yells "Everybody down on the floor!"

"Excuse me," I say. "May I use the restroom?"

The robber doesn't know about the emergency knob so he lets me go.

I go into the bathroom and a quick rotation of the knob later, the robber is disarmed and hand cuffed on the floor, just in time for the police to take him away.


Next, I'm shopping at the grocery store when the lights begin to flicker and the ground shakes beneath my feet. I make my way to the bathroom, turn the knob and voila! Earthquake and disaster averted.

Cut to the Oval Office....

"Mr. President! It seems a solution has been found to the current economic situation."

"Really? Which committee has discovered the solution? I'll reward them with a ticker tape parade and lots of ice cream!"

"Well, uh, it seems the solution is in a public restroom in rural Idaho. You might want to rethink that parade and exchange the ice cream for chocolate."

Just think of it, friends! The answer to all of our emergency-level problems is in the bathroom!

I'd like to thank the manufacturer of the paper towel roller for the ridiculous sticker. Sure, they could have written "If no towels appear please rotate knob forward" but that is boring and would have left me without a blog topic.

Maybe we could all file a class action suit against this company.

"Hey! My house was on fire and your stupid knob didn't do anything! That's false advertising! If a house fire isn't an emergency, I don't know what is!"