Out of the Mouths of Babes, Toddlers and Tweens

My kids have been on a collective roll. It seems that every time I turn around, one of them is spouting off with a gem that I want to share. The following are just a handful of the things they have said lately, which mostly means that these are the ones I can remember.

In January, Adam graduated from the Nursery in our church to the big kids' class, or Primary. Alas, there are no toys in Primary, so every week that we go I hear the lament, "I don't want to go to Crymary! I want to go to the toy class!"

Additionally, we are not the most regular church attendees. I really do want to go, but so many Sunday mornings I wake up, take a look at my four pajama-clad children and think that it's not worth the effort. As a result, we usually only attend one or two Sundays per month. In Nursery, the kids take turns bringing snacks to share. I noticed that it seemed like we were being asked every other Sunday to supply the treats and I was wondering why I was being asked so frequently. Then I had the realization that I was most likely not being asked any more frequently than the other parents, it's just that when you only attend 25% of the time, it's going to feel like you get asked all of the time. Duh, self.

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Michael is growing more mature every day, and as a result is getting to be so much more like a peer to talk to. One day we were having a conversation about cloning and what we would do if we could clone ourselves. Mike said, "If you had a clone, you guys would probably talk about boring stuff, like naps and crazy pills." Boring is definitely a matter of perspective.

Another time I asked the kids to go downstairs with me and help me clean the living room. Noel and I headed down immediately but Mike took a few minutes to get there. By the time he showed up, we were mostly done. I wasn't upset because I knew that he had been taking care of some things upstairs so I jokingly said, "Hey, thanks for your help cleaning." He retorted, "Hey, thanks for the sarcasm." Touche, son. Also, you are awesome.

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Noel is still Noel, which means she pops off with some of the most random stuff ever. You honestly never know what is going to come out of her mouth. She's at that dangerous age where she understands enough and appears to outsiders to be mature enough to be trusted with normal conversation. The thing with Noel is that somewhere between her ears and her information processors there is a short. The following conversation is a good illustrator of that.

Cousin: I have heartburn.
Noel: Me too.
Grandma: You don't have heartburn, Noel.
Noel: Well, I've already had puberty, so what's next?

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The next one is from Adam, and it is highly inappropriate. Let me preface this by saying that I don't swear excessively in front of my children. The occasional "H" and "D" words slip out, but that is as crude as it gets. The "F" word is not something that is ever used in our house, which is why the following caught me so completely by surprise.

Adam requested his pillow pet, which looks like some sort of primate. As I was reaching for it, I said, "You want your monkey?" He replied by screaming, "That's not a monkey, it's a gorilla, you f***!"

I also feel it necessary to point out that he had just been marching in a circle chanting gibberish words, some I'm sure that it was an unfortunate mash-up of consonants and vowels on his part. I explained that it was not a nice word and left it at that. I once read that tragedy + timing = comedy, so I got a good laugh out of that, as soon as I left the room.

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My kids routinely make me laugh every day and remind me of one of life's most important lessons: don't take things too seriously!